When Expectations Disappoint Us

Stop putting your expectations on others


If you are just joining us, we are journeying together through Lysa Terkeurst’s book, “Uninvited.” If you would like to read along, you can get your own copy of Lysa’s book HERE (affiliate link.)

Read the previous post here:

Making Peace With Rejection
True Identity
When Our Perceptions Are Wrong

Today we are looking at chapter 4 of the book.

When Expectations Disappoint Us

Lysa poses a couple of challenging questions for us: “Do I walk into situations empty and dependent on others to look for ways to bless me? or “Do I walk into situations prepared with the fullness of God in me, free to look for ways to bless others?”

These two questions get at the heart of what Lysa covers in this chapter. We can live loved, by living in the fullness God gives us and look for how we can share that love and bless others, or we can live with empty desperation looking for how others can meet our needs and fill us. The second way, the way of putting expectations on others, always leads to disappointment.

We’ve all done it at one time or another.

We all have stories about how we placed expectations on someone. We expected a friend to be there for us when we desperately needed them and when they weren’t we felt angry and rejected. We expected a family member to drop everything and give us the attention we so desperately needed, and when they didn’t do it the way we wanted we felt upset and unloved.

Lysa says it so well:

Being full of God’s love settles, empowers, and brings out the best of who we are. On the other hand, the more full of the flesh we are, the more we grab at anyone and anything to fill that ache for love and acceptance.

The answer is in Jesus Christ.

There is no one and nothing that can satisfy us except for Jesus Christ. Click To Tweet

At the core of who we are, we crave the acceptance that comes from being loved. To satisfy this longing we will either be graspers of God’s love or grabbers for people’s love.

So, where are you at in this struggle? How often do you find yourself looking for others to fill your needs and meet your expectations. When are you looking for fulfillment in your relationships? Take some time to really think about it. Think about the times you feel rejected, unloved or uninvited. When are the times that you feel like an outsider, feel lonely or angry with others. These are good indicators of when you might be looking for love, acceptance and fulfillment in others.

How do we turn this behavior around?

First, we need to turn to Jesus and ask Him to transform us. We need to recognize that it is only in Jesus that we can feel fully loved, fully accepted and have our needs fully met. Then, walking in the satisfaction we find in Him, we can have a more gracious and giving spirit toward others and not look to them to meet our expectations.

Living loved. Living satisfied. Living accepted.

Are you ready to stop placing your expectations on others in order to move away from rejection and move toward acceptance? Are you ready to find your true satisfaction, love and acceptance in Christ and rest in Him and His strength when you are facing difficult situations?

You don’t have to feel uninvited any longer. You can live loved and be accepted. Let Jesus fill your needs and give you the acceptance we all so desperately desire.



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5 thoughts on “When Expectations Disappoint Us

  1. Good advice here from Lysa and from you. I think we’re all guilty from time to time about expecting too much from other people, and not enough from ourselves. It really is a distinctly refreshing attitude to walk into a room looking for people to love, instead of looking for people to love us!

  2. Thanks for sharing. It’s so important that we get what we need from God. Others will always disappoint us, just as we often disappoint others. But when we realize that all the love and all the acceptance we could ever need, we already have in Him, it’s freeing indeed. Blessings!