When Our Perceptions are Wrong

Stop Putting Your Own Thoughts on Others


If you are just joining us, we are journeying together through Lysa Terkeurst’s book, “Uninvited.” If you would like to read along, you can get your own copy of Lysa’s book HERE (affiliate link.)

Read the previous post here:

Making Peace With Rejection

True Identity

Today we are looking at chapter 3 of the book. Here’s a short video that gives a bit of an introduction to the chapter.

Lysa brings up the question for us, “How often do I assign thoughts to others that they never actually think?” She goes on to say in the book, “I hold them accountable to harsh judgements they never make. And I own a rejection from them they never gave me.”

How often are you doing this?

When Our Perceptions are Wrong

We make quick judgments all the time about what we think people think, believe or judgements they have. There may be times when we are correct, but my guess is that the majority of the time we are wrong.

Consider this. Someone you are talking to is quiet and has a bit of a scrunched brow. Different perceptions we can assign to this person is that they are angry with us, they disagree with us or that they don’t like us. In actuality, the person may simply be struggling with a headache. Do you see how assigning your own perceptions in this situation can cause you to have feelings of rejection that don’t even exist?

If we live life looking for acceptance through other people, we will constantly be living through a roller-coaster of emotions. If on top of that we are assigning thoughts to others that don’t even exist, think about how much bumpier that roller-coaster ride will be!

Live Loved

Instead, Lysa encourages us to live loved. Read what she writes:

It’s not deciding in my mind, I deserve to be loved. Or manipulating my heart to feel loved. It’s settling in my soul, I was created by God, who formed me because He so much loved the very thought of me. When I was nothing, He saw something and declared it good. Very good. And very loved.

She goes on to explain that when we live loved. Live loved by God. We can walk in that love into every situation that we face. We can feel secure and accepted in that loved and don’t need to try to people please and seek approval elsewhere. Then, we will also be less likely to feel rejected by the perceptions we place on others as well.

She ends the chapter with this, which I just love:

God’s love isn’t based on me. It’s simply placed on me. And it’s the place from which I should live…loved.

How might you begin to live loved? How will you stop placing your perceptions on others and hold them accountable to thoughts they’ve never had? How will you begin to live in the acceptance that you receive from God and let go of the fear of rejection?

If you struggle with these types of things, I strongly encourage you to read the book Uninvited (affiliate link) for yourself. There is so much that can be learned in this area and growth that you can have. I pray that as you grow closer to God and rest in His love for you that you will overcome these struggles.


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11 thoughts on “When Our Perceptions are Wrong

  1. Visiting from LMM. I have just finished reading Uninvited and I found this section of the book really helpful. It is easy to read all kinds of things into situations which are more down to our own insecurities than anything the other person has done. I loved the part you quoted about God’s love not being based on us but placed on us.

  2. I really want to get this book! The devil is the accuser of the brethren, and sometimes we agree with the whispers of his lies without realizing it. Maybe from habit. He doesn’t want us to be secure in Whose we are, or have us remember that everyone else was created by God, either. I pray we can love like God loves, see ourselves and others through His eyes, and really thrive. Glad to land on your post today from #TestimonyTuesday!

  3. After listening to Lisa and reading your post, I realized that I have often done just that. It’s so easy to form ideas about people that are mostly wrong when we start assigning thoughts to them. I can see where it can turn a conversation sour very fast. I pray that God will enable us to recognize when we begin to assign thoughts to others and stop us in our tracks.

    Great post to read today. I’m your neighbor at #CoffeeforYourHeart. Blessings to you!

  4. Assumptions can get us in trouble and cause us so much undue harm. I’m sure that’s why Paul told us that “love believes all things” (1 Cor. 13.7). I don’t think that means we deny the truth, but we believe the best until facts prove otherwise. Instead, we often believe the worst! Thanks for sharing. Blessings!

  5. ” In actuality, the person may simply be struggling with a headache.” This is so true, Judy. I love the truth you and Lysa share here, especially the fact that God’s love isn’t based on me. I’m so glad to be your neighbor today at Thought Provoking Thursday. 🙂

  6. Judy- I’m really interested in reading this book. I’m restraining myself until I have read all the other books I have purchased;)
    Lysa has such great insight and wisdom!

    #Faith’nFriends neighbor,